Being : ‘Nice’


It is impossible to be nice with everyone you know. Someone or the other will end up having problems with you. Those who have negative feelings about you can never be nice to you, but you can still choose to be nice to them. Once the negativity ends, nice feelings come back. The idea is to be nice even if you are being ignored or avoided. If you can accept your ignorance, your life will have the quality of magic. There is a very fine line between being and not being nice. It is as simple as knowing and enjoying. Knowledge is impossible, no matter how much you come to know all your life, it will still not be equal to the pin point of the total knowledge available in the entire universe. The realization that knowledge is impossible is a radical realization. When you realize that knowledge is impossible, mind takes a U-turn and starts traveling towards enjoyment. Then you move into another world, the world of dreams, the world of mysteries, the world of magic, the world of love and of the heart. The head always tries to know the enjoyment and the heart always knows to enjoy it.

Explore yourself. Explore others as well and do not stop exploring. The moment you say that you know this man and there is nothing else to know, the exploration stops and you are stuck. May be you are together for some reasons, security, society, emotions, love but once you know it, once you define it, the exploration is no more there, and when there is no more exploration, there is no more love. When you are continuously exploring the other, you are in love. When you are in love, you are bound to be nice to everyone. If you are not nice to people around you, you are missing the whole point of being in love. You are not rejoicing the moment or may be you are not in love at the first place.

Be nice to people, help people as much as you can, and by helping them you will learn many other things. The best way to learn is to teach. The students learn, but the teachers learn too and each student brings something new, a new door opens. There is a vast pool of knowledge in our unconscious minds, try to find it, trust it and bring that knowledge in action. I have always believed that our conscious minds are what really belong to us, the unconscious is universal, one of everyone and one for everyone. You will understand this more easily if you believe in sixth sense and instinct. All the experience that each human being or any living thing goes through in life, is stored in an unique unconscious which is available around us all the time to refer to, that’s how sixth sense and instinct work. We think that somehow we knew what was going to happen and what was the right option for us to take based on our instincts, but actually it’s the vast amount of past experiences which are floating in the unconscious around us  and available for us to learn and react according to the situation.  The conscious mind is personal, the unconscious is universal.

A nice gesture can take care of every problem which could ever arise in a relationship. Being nice means being friendly, being open. As soon as people get into a relationship, they become closed. People have completely forgotten what an open relationship is and that’s why all the charm in life has disappeared. In a closed relationship, you go on pretending but you never say. You feel interested in, infatuated by other women, by other men, but you never say – you hide the fact. The closed relationship is a very unnatural phenomenon.

If a man feels interested in one woman, that means he is interested in every woman, otherwise why should he be interested in one? So if he finds some beautiful woman passing by, he is interested in woman, that’s why he loves, if he feels a beautiful person passing by, how can he avoid feeling a certain desire for the woman or for the man? I am not saying that he should go to her, but there are only two possibilities: either he comes and says it to the one he loves, which is natural, should be so, and the woman should love the man more for that! Or he can pretend. He can feel that the woman he loves will feel hurt, so he becomes a liar, pretends that she is the only woman in the world, that no woman attracts him at all. And remember, he can not only pretend it, he can even manage it, sincerely, not to look at any other woman. But one day she will suddenly see that he is no more interested in her either, because if he is not interested in women, why should he be interested in her? She simply represents a woman; she is a personification, an incarnation of womanhood, nothing else.

So this is the dilemma. Either a relationship has to be open, then it is very windy and storms come, and sometimes it rains and sometimes it is very cloudy because there is no roof, and you are sitting under the open sky. But there is beauty too, thrill too. There is a kick in it, a real, alive thing. So you see both the things and the decision resides with you whether you want to have a nice and open relationship with someone you love or a smelly and closed one where all you can give each other is sarcastic looks and heated arguments.

We have been brought up with very wrong values, the concept that life is a struggle and only the fittest survive, its all nothing but nonsense. Thinking of life as a struggle ends all the niceness in the first place. Life is not a struggle, it’s a love affair, perhaps the longest love affair and that too with one’s own self. It is absurd to say the the fittest survives. In fact the one who is very soft, loving, kind, nice and compassionate survives easier than the fittest. The fragile, the feminine survives. The masculine dies, it has to, because there are wars to fight and win everyday and nice person cannot fight wars, one has to let go of niceness and be rigid and hence lose the beauty of life.

But we have been brought up with those ideas, so we are continuously on guard. Everybody is on guard and everybody is thirsty for love, hungry for love. People are dying everyday but millions of people are available and nobody living, nobody loving. Everybody wants somebody to love, but the fear, the wrong conditioning doesn’t let them be nice. Once those conditionings are dropped, the whole world changes its colors, it becomes beautiful.

A good man is not nice. A bad man is also not very nice because both lack each other. A really nice man is like a rascal saint. A real saint is bound to be a rascal too. If he is just a saint, if he is being nice to people all the time, he is just sugar, and a lot of sugar causes diabetes. A real nice person is both, a rascal and a saint, sugar and salt, sweet and sour, at times of course so there are no confusions. He can be very intelligent and at the same time very innocent too.  He can be very free and at the same time very responsible too. He can be very open, vulnerable like a flower, but there are moments when he can become closed like a rock. A real nice person has both the polarities and he times them well.

There is no need to force yourself to be nice, just remain relaxed. Enjoy whatsoever you are doing. Eating, enjoy eating. Walking, enjoy walking. Listening, enjoy listening. Just make every move a delight and remain relaxed, you will feel calm and you will act nice to everyone around you, but never let anyone take advantage of your niceness, balance it out. People should understand that you will be nice to them if they will be nice to you and to those around you.

Be nice, live life rightly because a life not lived rightly becomes evil. Have you noticed the word ‘live’ reading backwardly becomes ‘evil’? Just spell your life a little wrongly and everything goes rotten, it becomes evil. Live authentically, sincerely, nicely, this is the most fundamental thing. Learn to live first before you learn to serve. Service comes as a shadow. A really alive and a really nice person  shares his energy, whatsoever he has, because he knows that the more you share, the more you have!


1 Comment Being : ‘Nice’

  1. Pingback: Choose and Pray — the basic formula for learning to dwell in the spirit… « TiltedCandle

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