Last night was a heavy night. I found myself in a place where I hadn’t been from a very long time. I was moving away from it because I have always believed that life is in movement. But even when I was always moving away from it, my past hadn’t moved much. It clung to me like a weed, sucking its life from my every breath. Paying attention to it was bad, even thinking about it was bad. My past appears to me like a hot oven, one touch and I draw my hand back from it. I have been hopelessly trying to protect myself from my past. Fear of getting face to face with it stopped my energy to move ahead. Fear is nothing but a shrinking. When I am happy, I expand and engulf everybody in my happiness. When I am afraid, I shrink, I hide in my own shell. I shrink in everyway – in love, in relationships, in every way. I am afraid to go out, I become a turtle. Continue reading
I woke up at 5:15 pm, began writing this post at 5:40 pm. I thought very seriously for twenty five minutes whether or not to write this post? Will it make any sense to the reader? Will it successfully carry the message that I want to share or not? I was confused in all this and popping in pop-corns into my mouth one after the other, I eat more when I am depressed, I realized that I need to write this post because this is my portal. Before I think about my gracious readers, I have to think about what inspires me to write so off beat articles which have always brought me more nuisance from my readers than the calmness I was expecting when I started this portal.
It has been a boring day so far. I woke up at 10, had a chat till mid-noon, went into a depressing mood because of my ever present loneliness, had a chat again till 3 which ended abruptly. I was confused between cleaning the apartment or going for a movie and I slept as a result of the indecisive irritation. It was then, when the weirdness took over me. I saw a dream. Continue reading
I cannot deal with absence. No one can. Anyone who admits that he can deal with absence is a liar and anyone who has to lie, can do so only in the absence of truth. Both truth and lie cannot co-exist. Darkness prevails in the absence of light and vice-versa. Hate exists in the absence of love, silence exists in the absence of sound, no exists in the absence of yes, life exists in the absence of death. Presence and absence make a wonderful couple, like the ‘made for each other’ ones. For someone to be present, someone else has to be absent. That is what I call the law of presence, or should I call it the law of absence? Continue reading