Last night was a heavy night. I found myself in a place where I hadn’t been from a very long time. I was moving away from it because I have always believed that life is in movement. But even when I was always moving away from it, my past hadn’t moved much. It clung to me like a weed, sucking its life from my every breath. Paying attention to it was bad, even thinking about it was bad. My past appears to me like a hot oven, one touch and I draw my hand back from it. I have been hopelessly trying to protect myself from my past. Fear of getting face to face with it stopped my energy to move ahead. Fear is nothing but a shrinking. When I am happy, I expand and engulf everybody in my happiness. When I am afraid, I shrink, I hide in my own shell. I shrink in everyway – in love, in relationships, in every way. I am afraid to go out, I become a turtle. Continue reading →