I am sitting at my computer from quite a long time and am thinking about what to post at muktimantra.com. The answer is ‘I have no clue.’ I was given an idea to write about ‘Pessimism’ but I don’t want to discuss the reasons of negativity on this platform. I wouldn’t write on ‘Optimism’ as well so that my friend doesn’t feel offended to know that I ignored his advice and wrote on something which was exactly opposite to what he advised. Another friend advised me to write about the difference of life in Hyderabad & Jammu. I won’t do that either because I don’t compare. Everything has a uniqueness in itself. Every situation, every location is unique. I never compare things or places that are different. Comparison arises in similarities. Jammu is home and there is no place like home anywhere else. So what should I write about?
I feel like I am going through a serious hangover. We all carry a hangover which has been planted in us for centuries, as if there is something right and something which is wrong. We have been taught in categories, this is right and that is wrong. This is white and that is black. This is God and that is Devil. But life is not divided into black and white. A lot of it is more like grey. If we see very deeply, white is one extreme state of grey and black is another extreme of the same grey. Grey is the middle point between whiteness and blackness. It is as if a glass is there, half full, half empty. Somebody says it is half full and this is the truth and somebody says it is half empty and that is truth too, and in the end both start fighting.
All arguments are more or less like that. Reality is more grey. It has to be so because it is not divided anywhere. Reality is neither right nor wrong, it just is, in between the both. This is a foolish categorization, but it has been implanted in our minds.
I am realizing something very weird at this very moment. Being empty is one strange feeling. An empty person doesn’t do good or evil. He is neither energetic nor lazy. An empty person does nothing, he can’t even concentrate on himself. Even if God is standing before him, he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on Him. He is just pure emptiness. He does not carry any tensions, because concentration is a tension, focusing is a tension. He is utterly relaxed.
Ask somebody who he is, and he will say he is a doctor, he is an engineer, he is a professor, he is a Christian, he is a Hindu, these are all false identities. These are all creating false layers around ourselves. We are getting identified with a thousand and one things. We are a husband, a wife, but these are not our natures. I was not born a husband and someone was not born as an engineer or a doctor or a professor. These identities are created by us and by the society so that we don’t feel continuously in an emptiness, which can be dangerous and can create an insanity in us. But, people are not satisfied. They go on making the false layer thicker and thicker.
I am feeling happy about my emptiness at the moment. I am writing whatever is freely coming to me. I am not trying to concentrate on a particular subject and I am not watching my thoughts. My thoughts are wandering in unknown spaces tonight and I have let them loose. If they come back, they would be more than welcome, if they don’t, I would be more than happy. I am understanding that our basic nature is absolute silence, an emptiness.
A tree arises from a seed. If you cut the seed and see, you will find no tree, no branches, no flowers, no fruits, no fragrance, just emptiness. Still, you are aware that if you sow this seed, the tree will grow, it will blossom, flower and have fruits one day. Everything arises out of emptiness. A single seed, having nothing but emptiness has the power to make the whole earth green.
There is no need to get attached. Like a tree, we too grew from seeds and those seeds were even smaller, so small that we cannot see them with bare eyes. If they are put in front of us, they will not be bigger than the full stop and we will not recognize that this is us, or that one day we were like this, that this is our old photograph.
There are two moments in every friendship, in every relation. One, where two people talk to each other in order to reach an understanding. Another moment comes, the ultimate moment, when there is no question of speaking. When two people just sit together. They don’t even look at each other, talking is out of the question. They just stare into the emptiness in front of them and their bond gets stronger with every passing minute. Nothing was said but everything was understood.
Life is a drama, but only those who have attained emptiness can know it fully as drama. All the ways that we have invented to feel successful are the ways to somehow cover up our emptiness. Somebody becomes the president of a country and he feels very good, he feels as if he has finally arrived, but nothing has happened. The heart is in the same space, nothing has changed.
Another realization! Why do people fast? What is the meaning of fasting? Is it not rejoicing the emptiness in our stomachs? Fasting doesn’t mean to force ourselves to remain hungry, it is a choice. When the stomach is empty, one is more conscious, otherwise the energy gets involved in digestion. We are not as conscious as we are when we are hungry. That’s why if we are hungry, we cannot sleep in the night. Food creates a kind of drugged state, it makes us unconscious.
Feel the hunger, dance with hunger, sing a song with hunger. There is no hurry to fill it; one is not going to die, at least for three months. If you continuously don’t eat for three months you will not die, so there is no hurry. One day one can miss! One can easily miss one meal, and you will be benefited by it. So sometimes just enjoy the emptiness of the stomach!
I’m not saying to force. Fasting should be a feasting; only then it is beautiful. So sometimes, just enjoy a half an hour of hunger. Enjoy it, and just see what can happen when you are hungry. You will feel more alert, more alive, more fresh; you will feel more weightless. You can run, dance, in a better way, and you will feel more in tune with existence. That’s why all the religions by and by started loving the idea of fasting. It was not a torture, it was a joy! Emptiness is joy.
Try to accept emptiness, don’t just accept it, try to live it as well. I have decided something right now. I am going to make my room completely empty and rejoice in emptiness. I saw a painting once, it was done on a big canvas. The entire canvas was empty and painting was somewhere down in the corner, just a small ship was painted in brown color on a big white empty canvas. That’s how I am going to live, just the most essential will be there, otherwise my room will be empty. I will do the same with life as well, just the most essential people will be there, otherwise emptiness.